Crown Of Moonfire

KAEL'S POINT OF VIEW

I woke up before the sun rose. This is what I always do daily. My eyes are open and my body is still. My mind is already sharp. I do not sleep much. I have not slept well in years. Sleep is something that can make you weak.. I do not want to be weak.

My room is cold. I like it this way. The cold helps me stay alert. It helps me not feel things. Feelings can be bad. They can make you soft. My father was soft. He let his feelings get the best of him.. It killed him.

I got out of bed. I walked to the window. I looked out at the forest. The trees are tall and dark. The moon is going away. The sun is coming up. Another day is starting. Another day of being the leader of my pack. Another day of watching and waiting.

I put on my leather clothes. They are dark and strong. I do not wear anything. I do not need to. I am strong.. Everyone knows it.

My friend Torren came to my door. He is big and strong. He has a neck and arms. His face is like the bark of a tree. He has been my second in command for twelve years. He is the one who can talk to me without being scared.

"The ceremony is tonight, " Torren said. "All the wolves who are old enough will be there. Even the omegas."

I made a sound. I already knew this.

"You do not seem excited, " Torren said.

I do not get excited. I am always calm.

Torrens jaw got tight. He wanted to say more.. He knew better. He kept quiet.

I walked past him. "Is there anything I need to know?"

"Some of our scouts saw people moving around our border, " Torren said. "They might be hunters.. They might be a group of warriors from another pack."

"Then we get ready for a fight."

"We are always ready, " Torren said. He followed me out the door. "But Kael-"

"Do not call me that, " I said.

"Alpha " Torren said. "You cannot keep pushing everyone. The pack needs a leader who cares about them. Not just a cold leader."

I stopped walking. I turned to face him. "My father cared about people.. He was soft. He died on his knees begging for mercy. I will not make the mistake."

Torren looked at me. He did not look away. "Your father was not weak. He was kind.. There is a difference."

"Being kind is being weak, " I said. "Remember that."

I walked away. Torren did not follow me.

---

The big room in our pack house was loud when I got there. Wolves were. Laughing. They stopped when they saw me. They always stop. They bow their heads. Get quiet. I do not know if it is out of respect or fear. I do not care.

I walked to the table at the front of the room. I sat down in my chair. This is the chair my father used to sit in. This is the chair I took when he died.

I looked out at the pack. They are strong and healthy. I made them this way. I pushed them hard. I made them tough.

A wolf named Lira came over to me. She is beautiful. She has dark hair and amber eyes. She smiled at me. It was a smile.

"Alpha, " she said. She sat down beside me. She was too close. "Are you ready for the ceremony tonight?"

"I am always ready, " I said.

Lira talked about the ceremony. She said I would find a mate. Someone strong. Someone who could stand beside me.

I looked at her. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to be my mate. She wanted to be the wolf who stood beside me.. I did not want her. I never wanted her.. I did not say that. There was no point.

"The ceremony will happen, " I said. ". The wolf who is meant for me will be there."

Liras smile went away for a moment. Then it came back. " Course Alpha."

She left. I watched her go. She is a tool. A useful tool.. I would not mate with her. She is too hungry. Too ambitious. She would hurt the pack to make herself stronger.

The day went on. I did my job as leader. I solved problems. Made decisions. The same things I always do. The wolf I always am. The same cold.

Something felt off. I could not say what it was. It was a feeling in my chest. A feeling of restlessness. My wolf was pacing fast inside me. He was not happy at all. He was waiting, hungry and unsettled.

I pushed the feeling down. I always push it down.... Always.

---

Night came faster than I wanted it to.

The big room was full of wolves. They were all waiting for the ceremony to start. The Beta called out names. Wolves stepped forward. I looked at each one. I smelled the air. I waited for a sign. A sign that one of them was my mate.

There was nothing. No sign. No feeling. The same cold I always feel.

Then the Beta called out her name.

"Sera Wolfe. Step forward."

The room got quiet. I looked to the back of the room. A girl stepped out of the shadows. She was thin and small. She was dressed in rags. Her hair was brown and messy. Her eyes were bright and sharp. She looked like a wolf who had been beaten down in her life.

She walked to the front of the room. Her hands were shaking. Her shoulders were hunched. She looked at the floor. She did not look at me.

My wolf howled inside me. He was loud. He was clear. He was saying one thing: mine.

I stood up. I walked towards her. My legs felt funny. I felt like I was not in control. I stopped in front of her. I looked down at her. She was dirty and thin. She was the ranked wolf in the pack. An omega. A servant.

My wolf screamed at me. He wanted me to claim her. To mark her. To make her mine.

My pride was louder. It was saying that she was nothing. That she was not good enough for me. That the pack would laugh at me if I chose her.

I looked at her. I looked at the pack watching us. I looked at Lira smiling at me. I made my choice.

"I would rather not have a mate than be with someone like her, " I said. My words were cold and cruel.

The girls face fell apart. The light in her eyes went away. She looked at me like I had hurt her.. I had. I could feel it.

She. Ran. Out of the room. Out of the house. Into the forest.

The pack laughed. They thought it was funny. They thought I had humiliated her on purpose.

I stood in the room. My chest felt empty. My wolf was quiet. Too quiet. Something inside me was broken. Something I did not understand.

I walked back to my chair. I sat down. I stared at the door she had run through.

The ceremony went on. Wolves stepped forward. Wolves walked away. I did not see any of them. I did not hear any of them. All I could see was her face. All I could feel was the hole in my chest.

Lira came up to me. She smiled. "You did the thing Alpha. She was not good enough for you or our pack."

I looked at her. My face was hard. "Leave me alone " I said.

Lira's smile went away. She left. She was angry. I did not care.

Torren came up to me. He stood beside me. He did not smile. He did not congratulate me. He just looked at me with his wise eyes.

"You made a mistake " he said. His voice was quiet and low.

"I did what I had to do " I said.

"You did what your pride told you to do " Torren said. "That girl was your mate. The wolf the moon chose for you.. You threw her away. For what? So you could feel proud for a moment? So the pack would laugh with you?"

I did not say anything. I just looked at him.

"You are not like your father, " Torren said. "Your father was kind.. He was strong. Stronger than you will ever be if you keep hiding your heart."

He walked away. I was alone.

---

The ceremony ended. The wolves filed out of the hall. It emptied. I sat in my chair. I did not move. I could not move.

My wolf was silent. I had never known my wolf to be silent. My wolf was always there, a presence, a constant voice in my head. Now my wolf was silent. There was nothing.

I touched my chest. I felt a hollow ache spreading. It felt like something inside me was dying. It felt like a sickness, a curse. I did not understand what was happening to me.

I got up from my chair. I walked through the quiet halls. I passed by the omegas quarters. I stopped outside her door. I raised my hand to knock on the door. Then I lowered it.

I could not do it. I could not face the omega. I could not admit that I was wrong.

I walked to my chambers. I lay on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. The silence was really loud.

My wolf did not howl. My wolf did not speak to me. My wolf was. I was alone.

Somewhere, in the dark forest the omega I had rejected was lying on the cold ground crying into her hands. I had hurt the omega.

I had hurt myself too.