Scandal in his arms

Cassian," he said, as the city passed us by.

That was all that mattered. No last name, no company name, no reason why the man who owned the ballroom was taking a waitress to his hotel. I nodded and was silent. I'd given him my name, and it felt like enough.

The hotel looked like the pictures I'd seen of fancy places. Marble lobby, soft lights. The wait staff was polite and acted as if they weren't letting their eyes wander down to my dress. Cassian did not fail to show the same grace as he did in the ballroom, like the world readjusted itself without hesitation to him and his appearance.

The suite had more room than my apartment did. Floor to ceiling picture windows looking down over the city. A bed that was bigger than my room rested on one wall. I was told to order whatever I wanted and he left to the bathroom.

I stood in the room for a long moment and felt like an intruder. My stomach then reminded me that my last meal was sometime the day before. I ordered enough food to feed two and still felt like I was being wasteful.

I opened the door barefoot, trolley bemused, straying water lines now gently disappearing beneath the towel now covering Cassian's chest. The attendant had a split-second lapse in the professionally-friendly mask, a half-smile I may have actually enjoyed.

I signed the receipt awkwardly and let the trolley roll behind me, shoving food into my mouth.

Cassian observed all this with apparent relish. "Feed the wolf, don't let it starve," he said, rubbing my back. "You'll choke." 

I didn't care. It is far easier to feed the wolf than it is to face hunger. With every bite I toyed with the thought, would he find me as beautiful as he does now if he sees that I will be sleeping on an empty street tonight?

The thought was shooed away. I did not come here for a pep talk.

He indicated the bathroom. "Shower. Take your time."

I let the hot, never-ending water pour down on me. I stood under the shower until I had satisfied my need to cry. I let the tears fall, a release of all the pain and heartache I had kept hidden behind a strong, brave front since I placed the key on Liam's table. I had just begun what I feared would be a long journey but already felt I had lived an entire lifetime. Finally, I had to shut the water off and grab one of the fluffy towels to cover myself. When I went back into the room, Cassian was waiting for me.

"How do you feel now?"

His question took me by surprise. Surprisingly, I was now worried about his concern. "Why do you care? We will probably never meet again after this."

His eyes showed something, but now that I was left to figure it out myself, I could not read him. "You are correct."

That last statement should have been reassurance, but it hurt me to listen. He was never going to say he cared, that this would have an effect on him. He wasn't going to say this was not a one night stand. He couldn't. He knew better.

"Come closer"

I made my way to him. He put his hands on my hips, and positioned me between his knees. He cupped my hips, and I leaned closer to him. His palms were warm and steady.

"Tonight," he said looking at me, "Tonight, I want you to feel how it's like to be cared for." He's not looking for a deficit. He wants to give it." 

It was perhaps the first time in a long time, perhaps the first time, that someone said words like that to me. Liam's words were always accompanied by an expiration date, a withdrawal clause, and the subtle, fear-inducing suggestion that the love that he extended could leave at any moment that he deemed convenient. That was never the case. 

My eyes started to burn and I chased the sting away with a couple blinks. 

His careful, polite first kisses were replaced by something unstoppable and deeper, as he pulled me into him with the newfound freedom of the towel now on the floor. 

He was like a balm to the things I couldn't see, the things I feared would be tomorrow's burden. He gave incarnate to the things I felt and the space that I felt I deserved. He put me above everything. 

 He looked at me with so much gentleness, and ran his hand through my hair as I nestled into his chest. "How do you feel?" he asked, now in a whisper. 

 "Better" I replied.

He made a low sound of approval. I dozed off to the pulse of his heart and the undersound of the city. 

I woke up to the morning light coming in at the corners of the window. Cassian still slept next to me with his arm resting where I was. In sleep his face looked younger and more exposed. 

I stared at him for a minute as something twisted inside me. Fear, Want, the desire to run before I could ever want to stay. 

I kept saying I'd wait for him to wake up, but I also knew I needed to change. 

I was going through the newspapers in the corner when I saw them. Stale mainstream newspapers left by guests or housekeeping. I wrapped the bedsheet around me and went over, out of restless boredom and something resembling curiosity. 

All the headings were the same, state news about state politics. Then there was one that stopped me in my tracks. 

Billionaire Heir Cassian Rowe Announces Engagement to Camille Armitage.

The other man standing next to the elegant blonde in that photo was the man who was sleeping next to me just hours ago. They both had a sheen of professionalism and certainty about them, something that announced them as belonging in the world of crystal chandeliers and black cars.

My hands went numb.

The name, the face, everything came together with that one photo with that one woman who was in the room that night just weeks ago.

It was her.

I snuck out quietly in the morning while he was still sleeping. The hallway was bright. The elevator took way too long. When I finally made it to the street, my pulse was racing, and the early morning air felt thin.

I just spent the night with a man that was not mine, and the entire city was going to find out.

Finally, a cab stopped. I gave the driver Charlotte's address, and I put my arms around my suitcase and got comfortable in the back seat. I watched the hotel fade away in the back window.

I didn't look back. If I did, I would have gotten back into it, and that would have been a mistake that I could not take.